Can this really happen? Certain small incidents or words you experience or hear in life, that do not make no sense to you at that time, turn out to be life-altering teachings later. Sia’s life has been eventful so far, and not necessarily in the happy kind of way. But she is proud to have a certain chemical combination to come out of it all without many scars she remembers. She quits living in the past right when she passes into the present the next day.
Today, Sia’s been married for 11 months 5 days. She often found it comforting to escape her only companion for past 1 year for a secret outing into the city. May be just for an ice-cream or cake joint, or even a smoke. This was how a weekday would go. A newly wed couple takes years before they start having different plans even on holidays or weekends. She was more than eager to move into that phase. It is said the first year of marriage is the toughest to get through, and she has often questioned her abilities to get through this big commitment by now. Her husband, like most people in her life, loves her so she can be altered into someone of their convenience, more so being obliged to become that since she is being loved by them. Why is it so difficult to be loved just like the way you are. Sia knew the answers, being bolder and genetically weird to handle life differently comes with a price. People find it difficult to digest your boldness. She is infact more comfortable being detached, it is convenient to remain not responsible for more than yourself. She would expect the same from others, but you know…
Unlike most people she knew, Sia did not have the privilege of a close family, she just couldn’t gel in, they loved her she knew, but did not want to understand her and accept her the way she was. Growing up she had many friends, who were almost soul mates, who rescued her complex of being different. They made her feel sane, but then almost everyone was dissolved in the web of time. Sia felt extra-ordinarily lonesome now. “Is it going to be true .. what she had said to me that day?” Sia thought.
Dr.Asha had told her that evening, Sia was visiting her to consult about her worries post an MTP (Medical Termination of Pregnancy), since the doctor who performed it, was about to fool her into another operation. Sia was broken, hurt, but not a fool, she decided to consult somewhere else for the right advise. Sia was only consulting her for physical issues and did not mention her emotional complications to Dr.Asha ofcourse. Dr.Asha looked at her, and assured her what she was going through was normal. But with her experience it probably was not hidden from her what Sia was going through mentally. “The unfortunate incident must be dealt with wisdom, not weakness” She told her “Don’t worry, it is alright, what has happened has happened, if he was not going to marry you – it is not your fault. Be bold to move on. This will pass too. Look at me, I’m married to a globe-trotting doctor, he is never home, my children are abroad to study, I live alone, with my dog – these events don’t matter. People don’t matter, they come and go – you are always on your own, you must be able to.”
Sia didn’t know if she wanted to accept the hard truth at that point. Because the last thing she wanted to be is alone, as she was. It was her problem, and she dealt with it all by herself, but it was frightening for her too – for someone as bold as her too. She nevertheless got through all that. But she did not over think Dr.Asha’s advise then. With time, when by all your logic, you know you have to remain by yourself, the words came back to her. May be it is true, everything happens for a reason. She is not particularly proud of the mis-haps in the past, but they made her strong enough to get through anything in life. She avoids crossing that street where the procedure took place, not because she will hurt, but because she knows she wouldn’t feel ashamed, she does not. She does not like the memory, but does not try hard to forget. Time heals. You find the strength.
What Dr.Asha said made perfect sense. May be no one is obliged to be remain your partner for life, you may need to be on your own, but if you did find someone like that – you are very lucky.
Sia's Short Stories 